Rory Gilmore made me who I am

I'm not here to write an essay on Rory as an icon, an inspiration or anything of the sort. I'm just here to tell you about some thoughts I've been having these past few days on my relationship with this fictional - yet very actively present in my life - character whom, in a way, shaped me into the person I am today.

I have always known that Rory had a role in my existence that was a little more than just "the girl I watched on tv". Too many things aligned between mine and Rory's story : I also lived alone with my mother in a very Stars-Hollow-like small town, my mum is very different from your typical mum-type, and we were friends too - actually we used to watch Gilmore Girls together, that's how I discovered it -, we talked about the same things and had our movie nights where we watched very weird films together, and in a way we spoke the same language as Lorelai and Rory.

Just like Rory, I also loved to read and write and wanted to go to University to study that. I mean... we grew up together following parallel paths and ended up in totally different settings, but some things are still the same. I also have this drive to become a strong opinionated woman, and I also, growing up, realised how much I respect and look up to my mother, how much I cherish all that she did for me and all that she was brave enough to do, despite the odds of an hostile world. Plus, there are definitely resemblances between my grandma and Emily too.

Anyways, I had a realisation the other day. A realisation that Rory was with me, from when we were kids to now, the present.

I was studying at home but my roommate had people over and it was such a beautiful sunny day so I decided to go to the park, but not in the University district, in one of those parks filled with students where you literally can't even hear your thoughts, trying to read the same page over and over again while people are playing volley ball in February. No, I went to a suburbs park, one of those chill places where only the people who live there go, and it was great... I sat under a tree, found my spot, enough light, enough surrounding noises, enough silence.

I sat there for about two hours, until the sun went down, which is unfortunately at like 4 pm at this time of year. Anyways, it was beautiful, I felt cozy and at peace and happy in a way only nature can make you feel. And I thought of Rory...

There's a specific scene in Season 4 where the university world gets too messy and Rory's trying to find some place to study : Paris won't answer her phone cause she's mad at her boyfriend, her mom and Suki used her room as a kitchen, the libraries at Yale "don't have that right vibe, they're too quiet, too big, and drafty, very very drafty". So anyways she goes around scouting the Yale campus and she finally finds a spot, the perfect spot, and it's under a tree.

And Rory describes it in a way I will never forget : "it fits my back completely and there's plenty of grass and it's in a great area, just far enough away from anything major so there's not a lot of noise but still not in Siberia".

This is literally my life everyday, waking up, wondering where I should go study : at home I get distracted, I can go to the cool library but it closes at 6 pm so then I have to move to the ugly library that stays open until midnight, if it's sunny I can try going to a park but can only stay there while people are having lunch at home cause after lunch they'll go there and be noisy, and anyways I would have had to move not so much later cause the sun goes down and when you're in the shadow, reading, it's freezing cold and you can't concentrate. And there's nothing strange with this, I mean every single person at uni goes through these same exact things but I guess I could have found a café or have gone to a bench, instead I sat under a tree, I sat under that tree in a way, and I found myself here, exactly where Rory found herself in another parallel time, thinking exactly the same thing : that I had found my study tree.

This realisation made me incredibly happy. I felt like I was on the right path, like I was exactly where I was supposed to be. And I know this sounds stupid but you have to realise that Rory is who I am, I've listened to her for years, watched the show at least 7 times, rewatched a few episodes/seasons a thousand times, it literally flows in my veins. So this moment... in the mess that is adult life and living alone and exams' anxiety etc, it made me feel at home, Rory made me feel at home.

Some scenes are just printed in my brain with unremovable ink, like when Dean tells Rory that he noticed her reading Moby Dick and that he had never seen someone being so focused and captivated by a book before (he calls it "unbelievable concentration"). And he goes on to say : "last Friday these two guys were tossing around a ball and one guy nailed the other right in the face. I mean, it was a mess, blood everywhere, the nurse came out, the place was in chaos, his girlfriend was all freaking out, and you just sat there and read. I mean, you never even looked up. I thought, 'I have never seen anyone read so intensely before in my entire life. I have to meet that girl'." I think of that moment almost every time I open a book.

And I have thousands of these moments living rent free in my brain, they feel like my memories too, like I've lived multiple lives through movies - yes it's a Yi Yi reference - and Rory's is one of them. I mean, in a way, I wouldn't be who I am if I hadn't met the Gilmore Girls... and I'm so thankful I did ♡

P.s. : we will not be talking or mentioning or even just thinking of the disaster that was A Year In The Life. Just shush, pretend it didn't happen.